Improving Tim Brooks

When Autumn was born I thought that I would learn Spanish. I would learn Spanish to teach Autumn what I knew to give her an edge. Then, maybe someday, we could travel with my in-laws to Mexico and better understand everything. There are numerous other benefits to becoming fluent in another language in today’s world, but mainly I wanted to be a tool to enrich the life of my daughter. I was going to utilize the internet and a couple of free books and I was going to be a self-taught Spanish-speaker. My ambitions pushed my Spanish studies for about a month.

When Noah was born I wanted to better understand the doctors as they explained bodily processes to Maria and I. The whole medical field seemed so awesome to me and Maria was learning the terms and techniques far faster than I. So I made it my new life goal to learn all I could about human anatomy and physiology and medicine. I envisioned my children as becoming scientists in the medical field, growing human hearts from stem cells and whatnot, and I understanding what they were doing. Well, my studies in the medical field fizzled out faster than my Spanish lessons did. There’s a reason that so many of us want to be medical doctors when we’re growing up yet very, very few of us make it there.

Sometime in the two years between Autumn’s and Noah’s birth, I wanted to be good at what I actually do for work, too. I get by in the computer field but I don’t understand a lot of it and I’ve never been very enthusiastic about learning about networks and computing, etc. After realizing how much our society depends on computers, it came to me that I’d need to put in a lot more effort just to be able to stay where I’m at. There is a growing number of people who can do what I do and do it better. Yet I continue to sink further into technical ignorance.

These and other endeavors I’ve jumped into with an all-or-nothing zeal and have wound up quickly quitting and failing by far to meet my expectations. As I consider these failures, I wonder what is wrong with me and can I change. I firmly believe that everyone needs to try to improve themselves and that’s what I’m trying to do. Why can’t I stick with anything? Are my goals too big? Is my attention span too short? Or is it my favorite excuse lately, that I just don’t have the time and energy? Your thoughts are welcomed.