Discernment

My brother worked with a lady whose husband Ronnie found a way to make a living as a paranormal investigator.  From listening to Ronnie, I don’t believe that he ever set out to be a paranormal investigator.  It seems to me that it was an interest of his that grew into him authoring a couple of books, then co-hosting a paranormal podcast and then being part of the research team on the Travel Channel’s program Expedition Bigfoot.  That’s the really short story of how my boys and I became interested in sasquatch - my brother promoted his friend Ronnie as Ronnie’s prominence grew in the paranormal community.  Now, my boys and I have turned into small-time bigfoot enthusiasts.

I particularly enjoy the Monsterland podcast that Ronnie co-hosts with Matty Blake, whom my family knows from the History Channel’s program The Curse of Oak Island: Drilling Down.  In one episode of the Monsterland podcast, Ronnie and Matty traveled from their homes in New England to Ohio where they went into the wilderness with two others to see if they could get a glimpse of a sasquatch or find evidence of any other “high strangeness”.  Dr. Rebecca Foster, a clairvoyant medium, was part of team on that outing.  I had no idea what a clairvoyant medium was, but when I did a web search for Dr. Rebecca Foster, I saw that she authored a book called God Please Tie My Shoes.  The book was cheap to order so I ordered it promptly.  Now, I can probably count on one hand the number of times that I’ve ordered a book from the web without doing my research to find out if it was available at a library or used bookstore, or even if it was worth getting.  It was odd how quickly I purchased the book and received it; it was like something nudged me to get the book. 

Another peculiarity is how quickly I read the book.  I’m not a fast reader but I tore through this book in under a week.  The book had numerous grammatical errors and formatting issues, because of which, I would not likely put much stock in it.  The content gave me a lot to think about though.  My interpretation of what Dr. Foster wrote is that she claims to be able to see people’s souls and can read our purpose on Earth.  She writes that most of us are reincarnate souls that have been sent by God to fulfill a purpose, that purpose usually being to learn something.  We negotiate with God, or make a contract with Him as the author puts it, to be able to go back to Earth to learn something that we may have struggled with in a previous life.  In order to accomplish our goal, our minds must be wiped at birth and God must give us free will, meaning that we are free to make our choices, good or bad.  We are sent back to Earth with angels to guide us and stay with us, but for every good angel that stays with us, there is a dark spirit as well, vying to steer us to our destruction.  That is not a complete summary of the book, but only what I found most interesting.

Dr. Foster seems so good-hearted, sincere and “Christian”, but I just can’t buy into her claims.  There are some interesting and encouraging concepts that she presents that I want to believe, but it’s a stretch from the traditional Christian concepts that I’m used to.  Maybe I’m too close-minded?  With that being said, I want to know why I was so drawn to the book, especially since I had just asked God for knowledge.  The Bible says that God will generously give knowledge to those who ask (James 1:5).  If I was nudged toward the book, as I feel I may have been, then I guess that would support Dr. Foster’s claim that our spiritual guides can line things up for us.  If this occasion was persuaded by a spiritual guide after my request for knowledge, then how can I be sure that it’s the good spirits that orchestrated it and not the clever dark spirits trying to dupe me?  I know that I have a trust issue, but perhaps I should also pray for discernment to be able to better judge what is good and bad.

What I Learned from Biscuits about Trust

The Sermon on the Mount is packed with good guidance.  I try to fast breakfast and lunch one day per week, which is what I would consider a beginner’s fast for a gluttonous guy like me.  I don’t like to talk about my fasting because The Sermon on the Mount says not to be showy when fasting because it is between you and God (Matthew 6:16-18).  I feel a bit uneasy talking about my fasting here, but I hope that the mention of it is seen as being told to bring glory to God.  I believe that stories told for the glory of God should be shared and not hidden.  I wouldn’t say that I’m any good at fasting anyway; I’ve been stuck on the beginner’s fast since the coronavirus pandemic started nearly three months ago.  

I decided when I began my weekly fast that I would accept food that was given to me by others and eat it even if I was fasting.  The food was their gift and I believe I would feel arrogant if I refused the gift.  Coincidentally, a coworker has been bringing me food about once a week, usually a sausage or chicken biscuit.  Though I’ve chosen different days to fast, this coworker has brought me food on the days that I’ve chosen to fast for at least the past four weeks.  He always seems to bring it to me late in the morning when I’m getting hungry, too.  It is as if God has put it on this man’s heart to give me some food so that I won’t be hungry.  Could that be?

I’m not fasting today, but I went grocery shopping this morning and didn’t have time to eat breakfast or pack a lunch before leaving for work.  Ironically, this same coworker brought me a bag of a half dozen biscuits to distribute this morning.  After distributing the biscuits to those who were here and wanted one, I was left with two biscuits.  One biscuit I ate for breakfast and the other I re-heated for lunch.  I’m not complaining, but how and why does this keep happening to me?

Even though I pray for provision from God at least daily, my skeptical mind doesn’t want to believe that God might be providing for me.  I don’t fully trust that the Lord is looking out for me even though He so obviously is.  Why, then, do I still worry?  Perhaps I should accept what Jesus says in The Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 6:25-27.  It would appear that Jesus knew just what I needed to hear.

 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

 

Honeysuckle

I had a terrific weekend.  It started Thursday evening with a trip to Jamestown Elementary School, where I let the kids loose on the soccer fields.  Although it hurt to find out how out of shape we are, it was really fun running around on the open fields.  We played two-on-two soccer, with Autumn and Noah taking on Samuel and I.  We played four four-minute quarters, with five-minute breaks in between.  Once we wrapped up our game, Samuel went to the back of the field to get some honeysuckle flowers.  I went with him but I had forgotten how to get that drop of nectar from the honeysuckle blossom. I tried tearing a couple of flowers apart before asking Samuel for help.  He showed me how and we consumed the honeysuckle nectar from several blooms.  Then Samuel took a handful of flowers back across the field to Autumn and Noah.  Then he went back and got another handful of flowers to bring home to his mother.  I was glad to have been able to enjoy the simple wonder of honeysuckle nectar with my simply wonderful son.

Stephen

For the first two years that I worked at my present job, I rode my bike the roughly two miles from school to work and back on a daily basis in all weather.  Only once did I ask a coworker with a truck if he could give me a ride to my apartment at the end of the workday because the weather was so crappy.  I knew this coworker lived in the same direction and would be happy to put his son’s truck to good use by hauling my bike home for me.  When Maria and I moved farther away, I had to rely on my car to get to work and had to start renting a monthly parking space near work.

 

The first parking spot that I rented was behind a splendid, old house that had been converted into a law firm.  I parked there for a number of years.  There was a homeless man who was allowed to sleep on the side porch of the law firm as long as he was gone when the firm opened.  The man was not a drug or alcohol addict and he didn’t cause any trouble, although I would occasionally catch him taking a leak in the bushes as I drove into the lot in the morning.  I started to acknowledge this guy with a nod and, eventually, with a wave.  In time, I would make my way over to the street corner where he panhandled to give him a dollar.  He was more gracious for any company than money, though, and would talk to you until you forced an exit.

 

His name was Stephen and he slept on that porch and panhandled at that intersection for three years.  I learned a lot about Stephen in that time.  He was a Vietnam War veteran with a wife who had dementia and was living in an assisted living home.  He would get a ride to visit his wife on the weekends when he could.  As a kid, he was surrounded by a big family but he was the only one left now.  He was 19 the first time he came home from Vietnam and all he wanted was to see his dog, which died while he was away.  

Stephen had found out that he could get a monthly check from the government for being a disabled veteran, but the all the paperwork and the fact that he didn’t have an address and several other issues caused holdup after holdup.  He had someone from the Veteran’s Administration helping him, but the delays were discouraging and Stephen was getting tired of sleeping outside.

 

For nearly three years, I’d stop if I had time, give Stephen a little money and just listen to him as long as I could before ditching him.  For three years he was there and then one day he was gone.  He once told me that when his check comes in, he’s going to get donuts and bring some back for me and the guy from the VA that helped him.  He never came back, though, and that caused me to worry that something bad might have happened to him.  I’d often walk by his vacant street-corner and wonder what happened to him.  Then one day a scooter came up behind me and honked as I walked down the sidewalk toward work.  It was Stephen.  After a year, or so, he had returned.  He didn’t have any donuts, but I was almost brought to tears just knowing that he was OK.  He said that his wife had passed but he was OK.

 

His checks had started to come in and he now had an apartment just a couple of blocks away.  I didn’t see him for a couple of years after seeing him on the scooter, but I felt good knowing that he was no longer homeless.  Not only did I learn a lot about Stephen, but I also learned a lot from Stephen.  I was humbled to learn that I had some preconceived notions about homeless people that weren’t true.  I learned that homeless people are people, too.  Except for some mental issues that he picked up in Vietnam, Stephen was a normal guy who just couldn’t catch a break.  I began to pray for the homeless and have compassion.

 

Lately, I’ve seen Stephen panhandling again.  Maybe once a month I’ll see him at the corner across the street from my building.  If I see him, I go give him some money and lend an ear.  He still has his apartment, but he says that things get tight toward the end of the month.  I think that he still values my time and attention more than anything else I could give him.

Hey, Darling Boy, Don’t You Cry For Me

I worked with a lady who was, well, beyond retirement age, grumpy, and very high strung.  She grumbled to herself constantly and her language was quite salty when she was really agitated.  Her raspy voice from years of smoking seemed to make her endless muttering all the more harsh and unpleasant.  She worked in our small branch office and I despised having to go there because there was no making her happy and there was no stopping her complaints.  I once found out that she was being promoted and I complained because I wanted her to go on and retire.  How rude of me!

I found out after she did retire that she lived with an abusive husband.  She worked all day while he spend all her money on his indulgences, including her retirement savings.  Then she would leave work and go to her rural home and get physically and verbally abused.

I saw this lady a couple of years after she retired while I was out running an errand for work.  I tried to avoid her but it was too late, she caught me in the aisle.  However, she was different now.  Her scowl was replaced by a beaming smile and her frantic nerves were now a bubbly energy.  She told me of how her life had changed when she finally left her husband and got the heck out of Dodge.  We had great, long conversation in the store and she fondly inquired about everyone back at work.  I told her that I would pass on her greetings to everyone as we parted and I walked away mind-blown by her transformation.

As I laid in the hammock after work yesterday evening, I paused my prayers to listen for a response from my Heavenly Father and I thought of my old coworker.  There I was grumbling to the Lord again about how I can’t stay comfortable in this pandemic and into my mind pops this lady and her resurrection story.  I believe that God put her on my mind to give me hope.  I hope this lady’s story is a foreshadowing of better times to come, served to me with a piece of humble pie.  Maybe I should stop my grumbling and moaning and start trusting God.

Birthday Surprise

I can imagine how my mother must have felt when she visited with her mother for the first time after my family moved from her hometown in Massachusetts to North Carolina.  I can imagine that neither Mom nor Grandma could hold back the tears of joy when they embraced after that first extended absence from each other.  Though their worlds had changed with the addition of much space between them, Grandma felt overwhelming joy in reuniting with her child and Mom felt overwhelming joy in reuniting with her mother.

I felt that overwhelming joy when my own parents came Friday to deliver a cake and a birthday present to me before the state-wide shelter-in-place order was to begin later that evening.  I was having a particularly tough time trying to telework as it was the last day of the pay period and I’m the timekeeper for my office.  I was trying to help Noah and Samuel with their schoolwork while I tried working remotely for the first time since the pandemic started.  Eventually, all hell broke loose when I found out that we needed to record our telework hours and I got overwhelmed.  Then, just as I walked away from my computer, I saw my parents’ car pull up and I grabbed the kids to bring them outside.  I thought my parents may just be driving by to wave, so I didn’t want them to go before we all got to see them.  They stopped, though, and gave me some birthday stuff and gave the kids some treats.  I was overwhelmed with joy.

I’ve had more positive times over the past few days, like the feeling of joy when my parents made their surprise visit.  The weekend was especially nice and I’ve tried to remain focused on God.  I’m still experiencing some crippling anxiety, especially at night.  When I’m optimistic, I feel like my Heavenly Father is looking out for me and will provide for my needs.  Why can’t I always believe that, though?  Maybe that’s what God is working on inside of me.

My dad whittled, sanded and stained this clinging cross for me.

Slow Weekend

It’s a good thing that no one was in a hurry to do anything this weekend because I was seemingly worthless.  With literally nowhere to go all weekend, I wasn’t even been able to find the energy to fold the laundry for the week.  Laundry is a task I’d normally have to squeeze in at the last-minute Sunday evening because we’ve had so much to do during the weekend.  I’ve often fantasized about having extra time, or sometimes, just to have enough time.  Now, I’ve got nothing but time for the foreseeable future and I already miss the hustle and bustle.  I feel lost without it.  I’m looking hard for the silver lining in this pandemic.  I thought at least I’d enjoy the extra time.

I want to use the extra time to grow in my faith.  I’ve spent a lot of time reading and praying.  Last weekend, I believe I got a message from God letting me know that He’s here.  Since then, I’ve been trying hard to get another message from God.  Maybe too hard.  In a time of instant gratification, I want another message from God.  I want the message that everything is going to be OK.  What I have learned is that Jesus dealt with anxiety just like me.  In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus prayed to the Father three times requesting that He take Jesus’s burden.  Sorry my message is not very uplifting, but God knows my trouble.  He knows it and He’s conquered it.

Lord Jesus, I pray that you show me how to accept the peace that you give.

Tim

God’s Tools – Possibly You

It’s funny to me how God uses unexpected people to get through to me sometimes.  If you read my post yesterday, I referenced a short sermon by Max Lucado.  According to Wikipedia, Max Lucado has written nearly 100 Christian books, so he’s a popular guy in Christian bookstores.  I guess because Lucado had authored a children’s book I once picked up, I’ve always thought of him as not very deep, though.  I had nothing against him, but I simply identified him as an author of Christian children’s books.  Then God led me to his sermon just as I needed to hear it and my view of Mr. Lucado changed instantly to that of the authoritative Christian figure that many others have seen him as for years.

There is another sermon called Max Lucado – Anxious For Nothing on YouTube that I’ve watched twice in the last two days.  It’s a great teaching on anxiety based on Philippians 4:4-9 with a couple of corny jokes sprinkled in.  I love it when he tells the audience to not meditate on the mess, but to set your gaze on God.  He poses these questions to help us focus on God:

Is God greater than your problem?  Has God ever faced this problem before?  Does God have solutions you’ve not thought of?  Has God got you through these types of things before?  Does God have a good track record?  Is God strong?  Is God sovereign?  Is God still on the thrown? Is He over all?

Two days ago, a gentleman from my work prayed for me when I asked him how he would pray about the coronavirus fallout.  It was definitely a “God thing” that this coworker showed up in my doorway when he did and a “God thing” that he said what he said in prayer.  Like Max Lucado’s question above, my coworker also posed the question while praying that maybe God had solutions that we hadn’t thought of.  I believe my time with this coworker turned out to be another case of God using someone unexpected to get through to me and let me know that He’s here with me.

Please continue to communicate with others during these turbulent times and share positive things that you and others can use to drive out anxiety.  As Lucado said in his sermon I referred to above, “anxiety and gratitude cannot share the same heart.”  You never know when you’ll be the tool God uses to get through to someone else or who God may be using to get through to you.

Lord God, thanks for showing us some sun yesterday.

Tim

God’s There

Just before Noah received his heart transplant at two months of age, there was a day that I thought he might not survive.  I wrote the following about it on April 3, 2007 in a post called “Hope” on this blog that I used to keep to let people know how we were doing amidst the treatment of Noah’s heart defect:

His skin was grey and I feared that if I touched him, I’d find it cold. His eyes were open about a quarter of the way, but completely unresponsive from what I could tell.

I went on to write that I didn’t have much hope:

I didn’t know what to do so I stood a little behind Maria and rubbed her back. I had come all that way to give her encouragement, but as I stood there, I felt that I had nothing to give. The little flicker of hope inside of me seemed to be gone.

I don’t remember exactly what happened as I drove home late that night, but I recall being worried that our family, especially Maria, would be scarred for life if Noah didn’t make it.  I wept.  I don’t know how I made it back home because I wept uncontrollably.  I was comforted at some point during my weeping, though, which caused me to cry more.  It was as if God himself had told me that everything would be OK.  I felt confident enough from that point on to be able to support my family again through Noah’s heart transplant.

I now look back and see the comfort I felt as a message from God affirming that everything would be OK.  God’s message delivered straight to me! Unfortunately, back then my faith wasn’t as strong as it is now.  Even though the experience I had in the car was emotionally powerful, it wasn’t something to boast about, so I kept it to my skeptical self.  It’s a shame to me now that I didn’t wholly recognize how blessed I was that God gave me that direct message.  Of all the people in the world, God gave me a message!

Fast forward seven years, or so.  I’ve grown in faith now, and I’m hearing from my church pastor about a mission trip to Haiti that he is planning.  Yes, I’ve grown in faith, but I’m not the guy that can drop it all and go on a mission trip.  I’m in my mid 30’s with three kids, now.  Maybe I can help sponsor someone else to go?  A sponsor certainly seemed like a more realistic calling for me, but God gave me another message.  Again, I don’t recall exactly how it came to me but God said “Go!”  Unwillingly, I went.  God gave me another direct message and that week-long mission trip I took more than five years ago is still transforming me.

Presently, I have literally been sick with anxiety over the fallout from the coronavirus epidemic for the past week.  I barely got over the flu at the beginning of last week and by the end of last week, the kids’ sports seasons had been cut off, stores were empty, and schools and churches were closed indefinitely.  It is a lot of change coming at us really fast and it scares me.

Monday night, I started re-reading Richard J. Foster’s book Celebration of Discipline.  Foster ended the introduction of the 20^th anniversary copy I have with the Latin phrase Soli Deo Gloria (Glory to God alone).  When I looked up the phrase on my phone to translate it, I saw videos and I clicked on one of a song called Soli Deo Gloria.  It was a nice song, but I didn’t listen to the whole thing.  What caught my eye was the video under it, “Max Lucado – Why are you Afraid ?”, which was a 12-minute sermon by Max Lucado on Jesus and his disciples in the stormy sea.  Being afraid of the world’s trajectory, I watched the Max Lucado video and it helped.  I sent a link to the video to Maria and said:

Bizarre, I was reading and looked up the translation of a Latin phrase and this short sermon on fear popped up.  Maybe God, maybe Google, or maybe God works at Google…

After viewing the sermon, I wondered if it was indeed God giving me another message.  I got down on my knees at the end of my bed and thanked God for being there for me and then I said I didn’t know what else to ask for and I began to sob.  I was just a blubbering idiot for the next 10 minutes. When I calmed down, I wanted to resume reading but I couldn’t understand why I was crying. I Google searched “hear from God and weep” which led me to a post on TalkJesus.com where someone had posed a question of why we cry when deep in worship.  One of the respondents said “Maybe it has something to do with Romans 8:26+27.”

26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. (Romans 8:26-27, NIV)

I was blown away when I read that because I had just told God that I didn’t know what to ask for and sobbed uncontrollably for several minutes.  Had my weeping really been the Spirit himself interceding for me?  By now, I’m sure that the whole event was orchestrated by God to give me the message that He was there.  He had steered me to the sermon I needed to hear and He had let me know that the Holy Spirit had been there pleading for my needs.

I got our big Bible out to read the rest of Romans 8.  I read Romans 8:26-27 again and read into Romans 8:28 where I was awestruck once again. I realized that Romans 8:28 was the verse I had sent in a random text message to my sister the previous day to which she replied “Amen!”

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28, NIV)

It was God’s icing on the cake.  God was there!  God is here!

Tim