Hope

This past weekend Maria explained to me that she was afraid that Noah had been doing too well and that, as history had shown, we were due for another setback on Noah’s road to recovery. I agreed. We had grown used to taking a step back for every couple steps forward. Neither of us imagined, though, just how far back the next blow would set us.

After talking with Maria several times over the course of yesterday, I decided that I needed to be with her and Noah at the hospital. I called my father and mother to ask if they could take Autumn for the night and my dad said he would leave immediately to come get her. After Autumn left with her Papa, I got in the car and started making my way to Duke Hospital.

When I arrived at the hospital I was disheartened to find Maria in the waiting room, for that meant that for some reason she couldn’t be back there with Noah. She told me that the nurses were trying to put another line in. The new line make it easier to draw blood for all the samples they would need. We waited for two hours in the waiting room before the intercom announced that the Brooks family could go back.

When we got back to Noah’s room, I stood at his bedside in disbelief. Noah looked as though his troubles were far behind him when I left for home on Sunday. Now, just one day later, I see him with the dreaded ventilator going down his throat. His skin was grey and I feared that if I touched him, I’d find it cold. His eyes were open about a quarter of the way, but completely unresponsive from what I could tell. Maria rubbed his head and tried to close his eyes so he could rest.

I didn’t know what to do so I stood a little behind Maria and rubbed her back. I had come all that way to give her encouragement, but as I stood there I felt that I had nothing to give. The little flicker of hope inside of me seemed to be gone. When we left Noah just before midnight, I kissed his head and whispered my goodbye to him and told him to be strong. When I told him to be strong, I felt the light inside of me grow stronger. Just then I remembered telling him to be strong when I left him the night he had his surgery and he did.