Adapting

Last night I got the first definite sign that Autumn’s world has been disturbed. You see, Noah is in step-down now and he’s doing good. Maria and I are very glad that he’s well enough to be out of the PICU and we are very excited that we are that much closer to bringing Noah home. With Noah being in step-down, though, Maria will be staying with him full time instead of coming home for a couple days during the week. The reason being is that Noah has gone from having a nurse with him all the time to having one checking in on him every two hours, or so. Also, Maria needs to be there when the therapists are working with Noah so that Maria can pick up on what they are doing. Maria’s not leaving and I don’t blame her.

So, once again, our schedule has changed. Seems like we just got comfortable with the old schedule, now we don’t know what to do again. Or, at least, I don’t know what to do to help Autumn feel that everything is normal.

Last night Autumn and I called Maria as we were going to bed. Autumn took the phone and said, "Momma, I show you something." She carefully placed the phone between her legs so that she could keep hold of it while freeing her hands as she sat on the bed. Then she sang Itsy, Bitsy Spider to Maria three or four times while making the hand gestures to accompany the song. After she sang it each time, I would tell her to say goodbye and try to take back the phone. Each time I tried to take back the phone, she’d tuck it tightly between her legs and sing the song again. When I finally got control of the phone she threw a fit, so I asked Maria to sing You Are My Sunshine to Autumn. Maria sang it and Autumn sat there so peacefully that I thought she might have fallen asleep. When I took the phone back she threw another fit, so Maria sang Jesus Loves Me to her and again I thought she may have drifted off. She hadn’t though. I decided to apprehend the phone for the last time to quickly say my goodbyes and hang up. Autumn threw another fit when she called for Momma and no one answered.

She fell asleep fairly quickly after that, but I laid there and thought it for an hour or so. I’ve always thought about how I was handling the separation and I can read Maria’s emotions pretty well, but I never thought much about Autumn’s take on it. I just assumed that everything was OK with her and that she didn’t really understand. I assumed that I was doing a good job of keeping her fairly distracted. I guess you can’t help missing your mother, though, and Autumn knew her mother was supposed to be home last night.

Please pray that Autumn will adapt to being without her mother for a little while longer. I keep telling myself and everyone else that it’s just for two more weeks but I know that’s not a certainty.

Thanks,
Tim